How can I let go of my fear of what others think of me?

Choosing to do something or not do something based on what we “think” others would say about our choice prevents us from having the freedom to make the best choices. Having to first “check in” with a panel of judges, internal or external adds confusion to the decision-making process.

Accountability and support are extremely important. And the folks in our life, who are committed to our well-being without attempting to control us, can provide excellent guidance for us. Having listened to our hearts and shared in our joys and sorrows, they are in the best position to offer objective advice.

A good indicator of these supportive relationships is that we feel valued and not judged, when sharing our thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams with them. When we are making choices that align with our overall direction in life, those who support us are willing to cheerlead and urge us on. And, if we are considering a choice that may not appear to be the best for us, they have the courage and our permission to remind us of our values and question us on the choices we may be considering.

The key difference in someone who believes in us, respects our choices and our right to make them, is that they will ASK questions as opposed to TELLING us what they think we should do.

To get over believing what other people think about us, it is wise to remember that their opinions of us are really none of our business.

A possible reason for listening to the panel of judges is a fear of failure. However, consider the fact that we never truly “fail” unless we quit trying to find a way that satisfies the pursuit we are on.

An effective way to face the fear of failure is to visualize the worst case scenario and ask ourselves what would we do if it were to happen?

My grandmother always said, “when people are talking about ‘you’ they’re leaving someone else alone”.

Yet, the truth is that people will always be talking; they will always be judging. This is something we have no power to change. But we do have the power to choose what we believe is best for ourselves!

Sheri

How Do I Know if My Feelings are Telling Me the Truth?

“How are you feeling today?”

“My feelings were hurt.”

“I’m not feeling it.”

It would be easier to respond to the “facts” about our life situations if people asked, “What is true about your life today?”, or “What can you do today that will make a positive difference?”

We can easily become overly concerned about what we ‘think” someone else is ‘thinking’ regarding us. When, in actuality, we may be the furthest thing from their minds.  When I begin thinking like this, I chuckle and remind myself that I am onlykind of a big deal’ in my own mind. 🙂

Picture a train, the engine is the power that drives it and the caboose (when they were used) served to house the crew responsible for track switching and acting as lookouts for load shifting or other concerns.  If we regard the TRUTH about our lives as the engine of the train that drives us, we can move along empowered by making decisions based on what we know to be right. If, on the other hand, we are led by our FEELINGS, it is as if we are letting the caboose engineer our life train and we become disempowered because we can be on a roller coaster driven by emotions and not truth. It is stressful and chaotic at best and ultimately results in, you guessed it, a train wreck!

Avoiding this mindset of feelings-driven living, requires us to be intentional in cultivating a belief system that is grounded in the truth about any given situation. By recognizing the things we have the power to change as well as the ones we need to accept, we can be empowered to put our efforts where we can make the most difference.

When I struggle with determining the facts vs. my feelings, I ask myself, “What am I feeling about the current situation I am facing?” And then, “What is true about the current situation I am facing?”

Feelings are merely assumptions we make, often based on past experiences, and can impact what we believe about the way something is likely to turn out.

It is much less stressful to focus on the facts and adjust to what is true than it is to be carried on the winds of our feelings, emotionally going up and down and never really sure what is true and what to expect.

Regardless of our feelings or emotions, we can choose to remind ourselves that our feelings follow our actions, so choose what is the next best thing you need to do and do it… the right feelings will come along in due time!

Sheri 

What Would A Vacation-Mindset Look Like as a Lifestyle?

Consider the mindset that you enjoy on vacation. You are free to set your own schedule, not worrying about what you have to do today, not worrying about the time — just being — minus the anxiety. Now imagine the mindset of being busy at work: doing one task while being anxious about many others, worrying that you may not be doing the right task, interrupted by others, distracted and stressed.

These are two different mindsets, and yet, what if we could enjoy the vacation mind while working? Well, we would need to forego the lazing around, but the mindset could be the same. This has the potential to result in a more sane lifestyle, not just living for the weekend or the little vacation time we have, but the ability to navigate life so that we are truly happier every day.

How can this be done? We would need to practice and develop a few small habits that will make more sense as we go along.

What would the vacation mind look like at work?

Often just thinking about work tasks can alter our mindset from relaxation to anxiety: worry for what we need to do, deadlines, dealing with difficult people, information overload, being on the right task, even concerns as to whether we may be missing out on something important. (A life, perhaps :)!)

A vacation mindset lets that anxiety go and is simply present in the current moment. Time is less important, enjoying yourself is the priority. You let go of the anxiety. You aren’t worried about getting it all done, or doing the right thing right now, or all the things you have to do later. You are immersed in enjoying whatever you’ve chosen to do at the present moment.

So how would this look? You choose to work on a particular task, perhaps writing something. You, obviously, have quite a list of things to do but this is the thing you decide to work on at the moment. Could there be other things you should be doing instead? Of course, there always are and will continue to be. As for the best thing to do right now, the moment of perfect certainty never comes, so just pick something and do it.

Practice being able to enjoy the task at hand. Let other tasks take their rightful place, the time to do them will come. Immerse yourself in the current task. Focus on enjoying yourself as you do it. At times, you may mentally step back, come up for air and take a look at the bigger picture, and then return back to the project. This is what I like to call “laser-focus”.

And you can do this when you talk with a co-worker or client. You can do this with an important email, or processing paperwork/small tasks, designing something, programming, creating art, helping a patient or student. This is a learned strategy / discipline and it is doable.

We can’t just flip a switch and be good at these things today … they take practice, like any other skill. I can say that they’re worth practicing, even if you never master them, because they can transform your relationship with work.

Here are the practices that you can consider working on a little every day:

  1. Pick something, get immersed in the act of being creative. Focus on the enjoyment of creating something that is uniquely your idea. Being able to work from this relaxing mindset affords you the time to think with a higher level of energy. This will play out in everything you endeavor to do.
  2. Let go of anxieties. This takes practice. Learn to recognize when you begin to feel anxious and notice the source of the anxiety. This is typically focusing on an outcome you want to happen, such as, looking good in front of others, being highly productive, controlling a situation, etc. Realize the desired outcome is merely a fantasy, and other outcomes can work out just as well. Realize that holding on to this fantasy of how it should turn out causes stress. Let go and restore your creative energy mindset.
  3. Come up for air and see the big picture. Diving in is great, but it is also helpful to step back at times, and assess what is going on around you. Notice people who are nearby and if anyone needs your attention, how you’re sitting (and whether you’re sitting too long), etc. Is there an appointment you should get to? See the big picture, then go back into immersion.
  4. Be less worried about time. Time is important but we can be mindful of it while not being “lorded over” by it. It matters that we show up on time for appointments we have, paying attention to completion deadlines, billing clients etc. There are times when we can waste time worrying about the time we need to do or not be doing something. Practice a balance of being aware of when time matters and when there can be some leeway.

You may be considering if this is truly doable. The answer depends on you. You’ll be surprised what you can do — if you have the “want to”. 

Choose to Enjoy Each Day…….. Sheri

Encourage Enlightenment 

Each of us has a powerful message in our hearts. God ignites a candle in all of us. Once we come to the understanding of ‘why’ we are here, our pursuit becomes to find the ‘what’ that we are to be doing.

We often have big dreams of doing great things! We imagine the view from the top and it is the finished project and in our ‘vision’ it is fabulous. Then we roll up our sleeves to begin the grunge work. Not as delightful as our envisioned view from the top!

How do we gain and retain the motivation to stay the course? To build the house, write the book, start the business, make the long term commitment?

I believe we do this by encouraging the process of enlightenment in our lives. We begin the process of establishing the small, often simple, daily habits that lead to success in our endeavors. This will be a different recipe for each of us based on our unique desires and personality. It’s the variety of life that opens us up to be enlightened.

These habits are established by drawing a firm line in the sand and determining our willingness to do whatever it takes to experience the growth we each need on a personal level. This is the grunge work! 

To be successful in implementing our daily plans (the series of simple daily habits), we must first breakthrough our resistance to the things that will be diabolically opposed to our success. These will be different for everyone because each one of us is a unique individual.

These little “oppositions” may come in the form of negative attitudes, self-berating words, limiting beliefs, fear and doubt, laziness, believing the things about ourselves that come from an internal or external critical evaluator, and a possible myriad of other factors.

Finding the support and encouragement we need requires pro-activity. This involves putting one foot in front of the other and diffusing every thought, word or behavior that begs to do otherwise.

Another much needed addition to our lives to be our best (read: ‘our best’ NOT ‘the best’ – usually a fear or characteristic that impedes growth and success), is accountability. Allowing ourselves to build strong and trustworthy relationships helps us set in motion the relational capital with significant relationships, whereby, we give permission to someone to raise the questions that help us to stay on track.

This whole picture equates to living the authentic life God has designed for each of us. Authenticity requires vulnerability and transparency. No more hiding and deceiving ourselves about the what, when, way and how our best life can happen!

As we live in authentic relationship with others, and they see our willingness to truly be ‘who’ we are, we give them permission to be who they are as well.

This is what I like to call ‘Encouraging Enlightenment’. 

If we give and receive acceptance and freedom to be the person we truly are (requires relinquishing what isn’t working), we give others the gift of strength to step into a growth plan that affords them the same opportunity.

Acceptance and freedom from pretense and judgment are key players in learning to live our best life. We create that for ourselves but not by ourselves, by choosing to lay down our resistance and step into the growth process.

And why, you ask. Because our relationships, work, business, and our world, will only grow as much as we do! 

What is it that may be hindering you from your best life? Find your encouragement and be open to enlightenment. 

You will never be the same! And you can thank yourself later 😊

Sheri 

Spring Forward… Boost Your Momentum

It’s difficult to always feel great about what you are doing, choices you are making or the ones you have made and the impact you may be experiencing from them. If you don’t always feel the confidence level you would like to have, here are some thoughts for boosting the way you view YOU!

Learn to define success on your terms.  Many of us struggle because we have an inner voice that drives us to a goal of perfectionism. It’s that “I-should-bedoing-something-more” mindset. Often these expectations are programmed into us by family, our environment or culture. We may actually have no idea why we feel that good is never good enough.

Or we may be leaning toward views we hear on television, celebrity news or trends on social media. As you can imagine, most of us want to present ourselves and our lives in the best light. That is a good thing to remember when we read about or listen to others. No one is getting it perfect. Perfection isn’t even a goal to pursue, as it comes from an energy of fear… of failure, of what others will think, of being unworthy….

The goal is to do and be the best that we can… and that is what will boost our confidence level and allow us to feel gratification in the pursuits we undertake. This high standard of excellence (not the illusion of perfection) comes from an energy of confidence…. when we do our best, we don’t need the kudos to confirm that. We know!

Another thing to consider is that we do not have to absorb others’ beliefs and standards regarding the speed that we choose to do life. It’s best to consider what it is that we truly want and act accordingly.

Stand up straight and tall. (Like your mother told you) 🙂  Changing your posture not only changes the way you are perceived by others, but it can help you to see yourself in a more positive light. And it may actually change your body chemisty… increasing testosterone and decreasing cortisol, the stress hormone.

When you begin to stretch regularly, morning and at night, focusing on the neck, lower back, arms and legs, you will begin to crave it because it feels so good and gives you such a great energy boost.

For proper posture, ears need to be above the shoulders and shoulder blades back, with a bit of curvature in the lumbar spine. You will experience a better day which, when practiced consistently, can lead to a better life.

You have more control than you may think.  At times, it may feel that life just happens to us, when, in fact, we create our own reality. The latest scientific evidence indicates that our mindset, good or bad, happy or sad, plays a huge role in how our experiences unfold.

Obviously, there are events beyond our control, however, our reactions to them and how we choose to create the circumstances within our control can help us to feel empowered and build resilience. Much of what we concern ourselves with, may never happen. And if we experience the worst case scenarios, we need our energy and resolve, at that point, to be able to think on our feet and not cave under the emotional stress.

Be aware that building confidence is an inside and outside job. The better you feel on the inside, the better you will feel on the outside, and vice versa.  Consider that the routine you establish for your mornings, will pretty much dictate the remainder of your day. If you take time to have a quiet time of reflection, prayer, meditation, journaling or simply enjoying your coffee or tea before you have to dive into your routine for the day, you will reap it’s benefits throughout your day.

In turn, if you hit the floor running, having forgotten an early meeting, you can pretty much determine that all day it will seem that you are running behind. This adds to your stress, negativity and ability to manage your circumstances. Prepare yourself for your day, even if it means beginning the evening before.

Taking time to exercise, even for 10 or 15 minutes, does more than burn calories and inches. It speaks to you that you believe that YOU are important and it is a good thing for you to focus a little on yourself so that you can be your best self. The time you spend on you will improve the reflection you have of yourself, both in the mirror, and in your mental image.

And, as a result you will not only look but will feel much better.  Being our best, means that we appreciate and value others, and we can do that much better if, we start with loving and valuing ourselves. And, we absolutely reap what we sow!

Sheri xo

Life By Design™

 

What I Am Becoming is Way More Important than What I am Doing!

A bold statement: “What I am becoming is way more important than what I am doing”.

Yet, in reality, it is freeing. It allows me to stop worrying about producing and pay attention to the things I am learning, the ways I’m being stretched, and what is birthed in the way of fruit as a result of the choices I make in life.

We’ve probably all experienced the George Bailey (It’s A Wonderful Life) moments, where we wonder if our having been born really makes much difference at all. These ideas usually come on the tail end of a season of having things seemingly on a downturn. Much of these distractions, if we choose to focus on them, tend to keep us from happily “row row rowing our boat merrily, merrily, merrily, down the stream”. 

If we can consider that perhaps, what we are becoming through the processes of reflection, growth and change in our lives may be more important than whatever it is we are endeavoring to do, we may be able to endure the challenges of life more patiently.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers”, he identifies the difference in our level of expertise in life according to a 10,000-hour rule. This “rule” is that when you have invested 10k hours in doing something, you are truly an expert at it. He parallels the lives of Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, among others. It is a really good read about some interesting success stories, as well as motivational.

The importance is placed on what we are becoming in light of practicing and reading and engaging in repeated efforts around things we are passionate about.  I think of it like learning to write in cursive, or playing the piano, or whatever we endeavor to do well.  We don’t arrive at “being a master”; the art of mastery is in the becoming…the practice, the conscious thinking and focusing on, the commitment to continuing to get back in the ring, on the bike or horse, or at the keyboard, and the willingness to compete with only one…myself…as a means for improving today over yesterday.

It isn’t a striving; it is a growing process. It is natural like learning to crawl before we walk and like acquiring a taste for new things, whether it be food or adventure.

To enjoy life on a broader scale, be open to all things but attached to none.  Being open doesn’t mean you have to “do” all things; the openness (absence of judgment) frees us mentally to focus on the becoming. We celebrate and feel the exhilaration of what “can be” as opposed to fighting what can’t be or feeling hemmed in by all we “can’t do”.

I recently engaged in a conversation with a good friend as we discussed the “bearing of fruit” in our lives versus “producing fruit”. She had spent some time reflecting on her journey and what God’s Word says regarding the difference and it was very enlightening. We often strive to produce fruit. If we can frame our efforts in the matter of “bearing fruit”, it is a natural progression of building on to a well-laid foundation or a well-watered garden.

So, whatever you are facing at the present moment, if you are tempted to stress over all that you are doing, whether or not it is the right thing to do or try, consider that what you will learn in this season is another piece in what you are becoming. We are able to learn from all choices that we make and we benefit from everything we learn, so you can just go with it and welcome the awareness you now have around the art of becoming.

God has ignited a candle within each of us, a passion with potential to burn brightly in our sphere of influence. As we move into the process of becoming and away from the worry of “doing”, we will have more clarity in the many ways He will work in and through us so that we can take our candle and light our world.

What you do, may be forgotten tomorrow, but what you become will make all the difference!

Sheri Geyer is a Christian Life Coach, Writer, Speaker, Wife & Mom

What Are You Doing that’s Hindering What God Wants You to Do?

For my life, one of the biggest hindrances is a sense of guilt over things that I perceive other people “think” I need to be doing.

I am learning that the guilt isn’t necessarily something I am doing wrong — many times it is the enemy trying to distract me from what I am doing right! He would rather me be so hung up on woulda-coulda-shoulda that I am hindered from doing what God is leading me to do and going where God is leading me to go. If he can keep us beating ourselves up, he achieves his goal of hindering us from being effective and impactful for the purposes God has for us.

I am having to be reminded that the Holy Spirit leads but the devil drives! (Guilt is often the thing he uses to drive). A good way to understand the difference between the two is that the conviction of the Holy Spirit comes before or during the time that we are doing something or not doing something, that God wants us to embrace or relinquish. Guilt comes after we’ve taken the jump or as a driving force to move us to jump where God hasn’t led us. Once we understand the difference, we diffuse many of the enemy’s tactics. Another struggle for me is that I am highly attracted to the next shiny object.

I want to sign on for all the opportunities that will let me do what I love… coach, write, speak, coordinate, e.g… I am awesome at sign on but I lack the daily, steady persistence that is required to get the project completed in a timely manner. I am having to be reminded that I need to keep up with some of the important structure and routine that energizes me, such as my morning quiet time, making a list to target what I need to complete … today!

I need to cease from the proverbial biting off more that I can chew. Sometimes I get so sidetracked trying to knock out as many of the little daily tasks, that I am hindered from making any headway on my long term projects and the ones that ultimately are part of the path to my personal success and fulfillment.

A final challenge for me is to remember that the enemy most wants to discourage me and my efforts by either deceiving me or at the very least, distracting me from my worthwhile pursuits.

One of the greatest ways for me to not succumb to his intrusions in my day is to constantly focus on the plans that God has put within my spirit. I need to consistently renew my mind by reading uplifting messages from His Word, as well as from other writers who encourage me in my journey as well as surround myself with people who refresh me and challenge me to not settle for accepting life as black and white but allowing my days and my experiences to truly color my world.

What one thing can you do today that can ignite or re-ignite the candle of passion that burns within?

Take some time to reflect on what you have to offer the people in your sphere of influence, and don’t withhold the gift that you have to bring to the table.

Your voice and your message may be the missing piece(s) in someone else’s life that will make all the difference!

Sheri Geyer is a Christian Life Coach, Writer, Speaker, Wife & Mom

Growing a Faith Bigger than Your Fear

Many times, we find ourselves in a season of worry. We may be tempted to worry over health, finances, family, relationships, career, safety, or various other challenges that we may or may not have to face in life.

Jesus understood that seasons of worry are inevitable in our lives. Because of His humanity, he was empathetic and reminded us in Scripture not to worry about our lives, in regard to what we will eat, drink or the clothes we will wear. He compared the beautiful lilies and how God has decorated each one for the season they are to grow and thrive. His words of encouragement challenge us to seek God first and then He will provide the things we need.

One reason for worry comes from an inability or unwillingness to focus on the place we currently are in life… the present moment. Being in the moment provides an opportunity for learning to enjoy the blessings God provides each day. The challenge is that it requires us to be intentional. We can best remedy this by not obsessing over yesterday and the things that we are powerless to change, or fretting over tomorrow since it isn’t here yet. These habits stir up negative emotions that create a mindset for fear.

Another cause for fear is that instead of trusting that God has a plan for our lives, we fix our minds on all the things that “could” go wrong. This zaps our energy for dealing with the the normal ebb and flow of life and robs us of taking God at His Word and leaning on His promises.

Daily, we are confronted with plenty of concerns that require us to be on top of our game to make decisions in the present that we will be happy with down the road. We don’t need to add regrets from yesterday or the things we may fear about the future.

Divide the things you face into two cateogories: those you can control and those you cannot. Resolve never to waste time and energy on the latter and not to make excuses for the challenges you face on the former.

If you will decide today to take the one step (or do the one thing) that God is telling you to do — and simply trust Him with the outcome — He will reveal the remaining 99 or 999 or 99,000 steps that you need to make to fulfill what He calls you to do with your life. Equipping us for the journey is what He does well, and, if we get hung up on needing to know all 999 steps before we will even take one, we never get anywhere beyond “stuck”. Taking that one step today, and trusting him with the other 99 is exactly what it means to live by FAITH!!

Recognize that there is a very real battle going on within each of us to either live by faith or by fear. If we truly desire our lives to change, we will be required to choose to overcome our fears and grow our faith.

What will YOU choose today? Will it be to Feed Your Fear or Grow Your Faith?

Sheri Geyer is a Christian LIfe Coach, Writer, Wife & Mom

Customize Your Life: More of What You Want ~ Less Stress

Often, when we eat at really nice restaurants we get an excellent quality of food as well as a smaller portion. We often feel very satisfied because it is adequate in portion and calories.
Cultivating simple joys in life was the major motivation for intentionally downsizing my schedule commitments and possessions. I wanted something more in life, more meaningful and more fulfilling. By eliminating the unnecessary clutter and bustle from life, there is time and space for small joys to arise and be fully appreciated for the richness they bring.

Understanding what is important in our lives allows us to rid ourselves of the meaningless things or activities that do not serve us well, without remorse.

Allow some cushion in your schedule. When we rush, we barely acknowledge what is happening around us and are more prone to elevated stress hormones and anxiety.

Be intentional in the moment.
Instead of always thinking of the next thing on our to-do list or schedule, being present allows us to recognize and enjoy the moments of joy as they arise. It gives us the opportunity to pay attention to details.

Go deeper. Greater joy can be derived in our experiences when we do not allow them to be simply superficial. Go deep with it, relish it, and store that moment away in your memory banks. These small joys are the moments that make life meaningful and fulfilling, therefore the difference in living versus living well.

Record special moments.
Journal about the moments that are treasured as a means of refreshing your memory of the beauty and contentment you have experienced around a particular event.

Do things you love.
Take time to ponder what you value and what you are passionate about. If we always do the “what has to be done” list, we rarely get to the “love to do” list. Reassess priorities to provide for productive fun.

Share moments with loved ones near and far.
A note or picture or phone call to connect can be one of life’s special times. Enjoy the beauty of simplicity in important relationships. This can make our worlds seem closer and more intimate.

List the must-dos, need-to-dos, and would-love-to-dos, and make something from each list a daily priority.

Just because a slice of something is smaller doesn’t necessarily mean it’s inadequate. Less is more in more ways than you may think.

Consider what life can look like, if you actually take the time to look at it =)

Sheri Geyer is a Christian Life Coach, Mentor, Writer, Wife & Mom

 

7 Steps to Overcoming the Hurdle of Saying “No”

Learning to say ‘No’ hasn’t been easy for me. My desire for a life balance that works for me has motivated me to learn to say yes or no out of the freedom to choose and not the fear of the reactions of others.

My biggest hurdles in learning to say “No” are:

~ A desire to help. I am for the most part, a kindhearted person. I don’t want to turn someone away even if it means allowing my time to be eaten up. (This can build resentment).

~ Afraid of being rude. I was reared to believe that saying “No”, especially to the significant people in my life, could be considered rude.

~ Wanting to be agreeable. I don’t want to alienate myself from others because I’m not in agreement, thus I’m tempted to conform to status quo.

~ Fear of conflict. I sometimes fear the reactions of another if I reject their requests. I’d rather avoid confrontation.

~ Fear of limiting my opportunities. I feel concerned that saying no may limit me from being considered for something in the future.

~ Fear of burning bridges. Some people take “no” as a sign of rejection. I don’t want to sever relationships. I’ve learned that if someone won’t respect my “no”, they do not deserve my “yes”.

Learning how to say “no” can make all the difference in how it’s received. It is about respecting and valuing our time and space.

7 Simple Ways To Say “No”

1. “I am unable commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”

This lets the person know my plate is full and this is something I am doing “for” myself (managing my stress/life balance) and not “to” them.

2. “I’m in the middle of something at the moment. Can we discuss it at a better time?”

This method is helpful to hold off the request and also, to allow me the time to consider if and when I can commit to it. It is important that I consider the feelings of others, but that doesn’t mean I should allow them to dictate my choices.

3. “I’d love to do this, but …”

This allows the person to know I like the idea but it just isn’t feasible for me at the moment.

4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”

This is the method I use when I really am interested but need to evaluate my schedule to see if it is truly doable. It is always easier to turn a “no” into a “yes” than to turn a “yes” into “no”.

5. “This doesn’t meet my needs now but I’ll be sure to keep you in mind.”

This is a considerate way to not lead someone on when I’m truly not interested at the moment. Here again, if there is even a slight level of interest I can easily turn “no” to “yes” if it becomes workable.

6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Have you considered speaking to John /Jane?”

If I’m not qualified to help in the particular request, I try to point the other person to someone who may be able to assist them or continue to route them to the right person.

7. “No, I can’t.”

It’s easy to assume the worst case scenario when I need to say no. Sometimes straight to the point is the simplest and best method. Things usually work out for the best, at least for those who are willing to make the best of the way things work out.